Yoga Sutra lessons for Dealing with Relationships.
]Did you ever think that practicing yoga could help your relationships? I am not a counselor or an expert on relationships, but I enjoyed studying about them and other lessons from the yoga sutras during teacher training. I studied 2 different translations of the sutra teachings: “The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali” by Sri Swami Satchidananda, and “Embodying the Yoga Sutra - Support, Direction, Space” by Roy and Charlton. My favorite sutra is 1:33 deals with relationships. Here are 2 translations:
“By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness.” “The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali” by Sri Swami Satchidananda
“Cultivating friendliness, compassion, happiness and equanimity to those who are happy, unhappy, virtuous or not virtuous will clear the mind.” “Embodying the Yoga Sutra - Support, Direction, Space” by Roy and Charlton
Sri Swami Satchidananda suggests that we can fit any person into one of these 4 categories. He teaches us to simplify our daily interactions and our responses using the 4 keys as practical tools.
“We understand restlessness, we understand dislike. What we do not realize is if we give into these states, we just experience more unease in the mind. By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard toward the wicked, the mind stuff retains its undisturbed calmness.” — Sri Swami Satchidananda.
Roy and Charlton explain that Patanjali gives us four attitudes to use in four different situations. When we choose to use these attitudes, we keep calm, and our mind stays clear.
The lesson gives us 4 keys to interact with 4 types of people.
Friendliness: Key to dealing with those who are happier than us – be happy for them and celebrate with them. Often, we feel jealous that someone else is happier than us, and we wish we could be happier. Try to be happy about their success, be friendly and you’ll be happier too.
Compassion: Key to dealing with those who are suffering, or not as happy as we are– be compassionate toward them. Try to hold space for the other person and not judge, be considerate. Be there for them but, stop yourself from trying to solve their issues.
Delight: Key to dealing with those who are successful, virtuous – praise them and be delighted for them. Try not to be envious of their success, remember it probably took work to get there. Our success does not need to be compared to their success… we each have our strengths.
Disregard: Key to dealing with those who cause problems –stay calm and practice disregard. Understand that they are suffering and don’t see things clearly. This doesn’t mean you have to walk away but remain undisturbed. Maybe someday they will find a different way and change.
“In daily life we see people around who are happier than we are, people who are less happy. Some may be doing praiseworthy things and others causing problems. Whatever may be our usual attitude toward such people and their actions, if we can be pleased with others who ae happier than ourselves, compassionate toward those who are unhappy, joyful with those doing praiseworthy things and remain undisturbed by their errors of others, our mind will be very tranquil.” “The Heart of Yoga” by T.K.V. Desikachar
How can we use this teaching today?
These tools still prove effective in our modern world. People are people. We all feel uncomfortable in certain situations when dealing with others. We live in a world where we deal with people in person and virtually. The keys can make our interactions easier.
Relationships are a huge part of our lives and have the potential to bring so much joy. Think of relationships you want to work on. What doesn’t feel right when you interact with others? Set an intention based on the keys above, friendliness, compassion, delight, disregard. Think about situations when you can use these tools. Practice and become familiar with the keys, then use them when you interact with others.
It’s hard to remember the lessons when your emotions are charged. The keys are tools to practice staying calm and focused. This takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself. We are human, and we make mistakes. That is ok, it’s important to keep trying. Use this ancient teaching to heal yourself and your relationships. This is living your yoga, taking lessons from your practice into your daily life.
Join me for more yoga lessons at Stream@mindbodyspirityoga.com.